21:25 Aug 22 2011
Times Read: 722
Things never cease to amaze me. You can learn so much by watching the people around you and how they interact with others. You can see the true nature that they hold and not the façade that they paint over that realness that is them.
I cannot believe the length that some people will go to lie. They say there are always three sides to the truth- The first person’s side, the second person’s side and the actual truth. However this is not always the case. There are times when the lie is just so fabricated that there is no other reaction but to laugh when you hear it. And then be dumbfounded when people hear it and believe it. But then again, you really cannot be dumb founded when some people can be lead to water by just laying bits of their false persona.
I also cannot believe the amount of people who cannot think for themselves. They need someone else to give them reasons to feel the way they do. I can’t even describe them as sheep because at least sheep know when to run away. These are more like mindless drones. They hear what they hear and repeat back. If you were to ask someone why they do not like someone I bet most of the time the answer would start off with “Well, I hear/heard that so and so…” or even “So and so told me this about so and so and this is why….” If you cannot answer the question with “This is my experience with this person, this is why I choose not to interact with this person or like this person based on my own personal experience…” then your opinion is moot and it doesn’t mean anything. Actually no, it does mean something. It means that you cannot think for yourself and enjoy when others make the choices for you. Congratulations! You are someone else’s puppet to control. How’s that working for you?
Pettiness and Jealousy are valid human emotions. With some people these two emotions just scratch the surface and then they move on to more important things. It’s over with as quickly as it started. And then there is the other side of the coin. There are the ones who will harbor so much negativity and then wrap that negativity around those two emotions and it spirals into something that is more like an unhealthy obsession. They in turn take all the unhappiness that they bare and project it in a fashion that is unhealthy and unjustified. Most times this includes being passive aggressive towards people. This is just another way of pushing negativity onto someone. I’ve seen it firsthand cripple people in ways I never thought possible. And the only thing there is to do is wait and watch and try not to let the sadness overwhelm you.
Whatever happened to the times when people would rather not assume and deal with things head on? Or maybe it’s just easier to assume, have unnecessary feelings and then act out in ways that there really is no reason for? I am sure most issues are caused by this. People assume that they know what the other person is thinking; therefore, they form their own unfounded ideas. It becomes a vicious cycle of false feelings, unneeded hardships and unwarranted problems. This combined with being butthurt and petty is a toxic cocktail. It leads people to do things that are so blown out of proportion, it is unfathomable. They plants seeds of destruction into the minds of others because they themselves are so insecure about their assumptions, they need to feel that they are correct or validated. They take joy in knowing that they are, even if it is based on false pretenses and unrealistic events. These cause a chain effect and not only are they broken, for lack of a better term, but they also break the ones around them. This is another situation where all you can do is not let the sadness overwhelm you and you move on to brighter moments in time.
Like any other relationship, friendship can be just as difficult as a romantic relationship. I never understood how people can stay in a toxic relationship and then make excuses as to why they cannot leave. The same goes for friendships. I have seen so much hatred and then I am grateful for you, and then the hatred and then I am grateful for you again. How is this healthy? Or maybe it’s just the fact that they need the push pull? While I do not seem like it, probably because I’ve learned to hide it so well, I can be a very intense and emotional person. When my friends hurt, I hurt. When they are having problems, I take a part of that problem into myself. There are times when it has reached the point where I know that their toxic situation is taking a toll on me and I need to just step away. I do this because even though I care about them, I am important to the health and well being of myself. Is it fair? No, it’s probably not, but it’s the only thing I can do in order to protective myself and my state of being. There comes a time when you put your heart on the line for someone. When you sit by them hold their hand and listen to them without judgment or fault and constantly wish that they would find a better situation for themselves. However they do not. They chose to stay in the same cycle. It is hard to remain close to someone who remains in this form of cycle because not only do they bring themselves down, they bring you into a state of the same being. You cannot change that cycle, and after becoming so drained from the constant spinning of the cycle, the only thing left to do is simply step away.
I’ve learned in both real life and online life that people can wear masks. It doesn’t matter if you know them in person or if you become close through the exchange of words and emotions, the mask can appear almost as though that is really who they are until a turn of events cause the mask to come off and then who they really are happens to shine through. In some cases it is good, but in most of my experiences it has been rather unnerving. I have seen people become so bitter by someone’s action that they turn around and try, and sometimes succeed, to sabotage choices that other people make regarding other person opinions and decisions. It is one thing to share your concern; it is another thing to pool your negative attitude on to someone else for your selfish enjoyment. I wonder if those around the person actually see beyond the mask, or if they are secure in their false illusions of how the person really is even though it’s evident through the mask that they wear? Or maybe they just do not care and become some kind of sideliner. (I will get to the sideliners in a moment) Friendship is about supporting people. It’s about caring. It’s also about letting friends have their own feelings, thoughts and emotions. When you are trying to take away those parts of a friendship, you are being a bad friend. If you cannot put your negative emotions on hold for someone else, then how can you really say that you are being a true friend? I have friends that are friends with people I do not care for. While I worry about them silently and the possibility that something may happen, I support them and the decisions they’ve made. It’s about having respect for them and yourself. And without having either of those in a friendship, is it really a friendship? Take a good look at the friends that surround you. Do you really know who they are?
Now onto the sideliners! Sidelines are a funny breed of people. These people are the ones that claim they wish to not get involved with the problems that arise, however you can find them on the sidelines whispering in other peoples ears, being the silent ones on the bench and then claiming that just because they were on the side lines and not directly involved they are innocent in the matters at hand. That is not true. If you’ve made the choice to participate by being a sideliner instead of removing yourself fully and sitting in the crowd, then you are just as guilty as the ones on the field. There comes a time when either you stand up for what you believe in, or you keep becoming part of the problem. Either way you are part of the problem. You cannot keep claiming innocence, just like a victim cannot keep claiming to be a victim if they refuse to remove themselves from the situation. It doesn’t work. It just becomes the same song and dance.
The old proverb of birds of a feather flock together can be seen time and time again. When all that surrounds you are the same people doing the same thing, yet your fail to remove yourself, how can you sit there and say you are not like them? A person must enjoy the surrounding going-ons if they still keep themselves located within that flock of birds; especially when the flock does nothing but pick and squawk at each other. Is it that enjoyable to be around that you choose to say within that flock and not venture to brighter lands? If you fail to remove yourself, then you cannot sit there and say ‘do not judge me for those that surround me.’ No, you will be judged because the choice you’ve made proves that it’s what you want and what you like. It all boils down to choices. We each have a choice and free will. How we choose to use them is our business, but outsiders will judge. It’s human nature.
I remember a time when things were simpler. I remember when it was okay to be friends with people of all different colors, creeds, beliefs, so on and so forth. I remember when people would actually respect their friends. When one friend would say something negative about another person’s friend they would say “Please don’t say that..” then in turn the other friend would respect their wishes and refrain from saying it because the respect for one another. I remember when friendship meant something. And even when a friendship dissolved for reasons, secrets would still be held because the words were spoken with a trust so pure and true. Because it didn’t matter how bad things got, the moment that that person put their full trust in you, it made you feel invincible; even if it was for just a moment. So you hold onto that feeling and that trust because it’s important to you. You never let the words pass your lips and hold onto them like a prized possession. Maybe it’s not because there was a simpler time. Maybe it’s because I have a different belief system than most and still have some of the old fashion values.
As I write this I am not claiming to be perfect. I have my faults and horrible moments filled with anger, hate and other useless emotions. However, there comes a time within all the mixture of emotions where a person must realize that they need to stand tall and let themselves be important, because after all it is them who they must live with for the rest of their life. If you cannot admit to your faults, being wrong, and admit to the problems that you have, how do you expect to live, learn and grown from them? You cannot. Once again you are in the same self victimizing cycle never evolving and growing. It becomes the same scenery over and over again. I’ve always been honest with my experience in life. There is no need to not to be. Each experience gives us another lesson, another layer of who we are and the life experiences we’ve had. It molds us into who we are as a person and a being. I feel if we were to stop learning then the world would come to a halt, and I for one, wouldn’t want that to happen.
Even in all laughter, smiles and fun times, I have my constant battles with depression, self esteem issues and bouts of being an unbalanced person. Its part of life, it is going to happen. But I also realize that I am important. I am important to myself and my friends and those that care about me. I will never allow myself to be the dirty little secret in either a friendship or relationship. I’ve been there and it is not healthy. I surround myself with wonderful, amazing and such a different variety of people that I would never ever be ashamed to admit they are my friend. They would never be my ‘dirty little secret’. Why? Because each one of the people that surround me fills me with a new life experience and amazing moments. Why would I want to hide those from the world? I don’t. I want to hold my friends up high and say “Do you see this amazing person? They are my friend. They have filled me with magic moments and splendid memories!” Because they are special to me and because they are my friends. I even take this with past relationships and friendship. I appreciate the moments that we had with one another, and while the path was short that we walked on together, they’ve taught me something. They’ve added another page to my life and another lesson that I will learn from whether it be good or bad.
While I know this entry is long winded, these thoughts have been bouncing in my mind for a while now.
I am sure there will be people who not understand and then there will be people who do understand and then those that just don’t care. That is fine. My words are not meant for everyone and some people just choose to remain deaf in the ears because they cannot handle it.
I need to step back, reflect and access at times. This is just simply one of those times.
COMMENTS
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PandorasBx
19:36 Aug 29 2011
I think this is something I need to do....
MooniePie
19:58 Aug 29 2011
It can take some time, but in the end it's better. You can make the correct decisions and not me mislead by what you think you see. ;)
Sulks
21:10 Aug 29 2011
It's always good to take a step back.